The
spiritual seeker’s
paradoxical attitude
The seeker’s attitude has been steeped in contradictions since the dawn of time, but today we can learn things from his behavior:
He
is tempted to knock on every door to hear the good word but is not really
prepared to listen to anything whatsoever, prefering to be heard instead,
rolling out his complaints and listing his prerogatives.
He always thinks he knows what he’s seeking... even though he admits he’s lost.
He may consult a therapist or a spiritual master in a clear state of distress and, in the same breath, assert that everything’s fine, to the extent that he forgets the primary reason behind his visit and leaves with the frustrating feeling that, once more, he’s gone off-track.
He will express fervent devotion to his latest spiritual find... and vigorously spit on it some time after.
He expects a revolution in his life, a shaking-off of the shackles of his beliefs and fears, but he spends his time having them checked out and accepted so that, above all, nothing changes.
He loves and hates in turn, without the least consciousness of what he is creating and carrying around with him wherever he goes.
He is heartrended and torn between the imperious impulse of the call to be alive and the pressure of fear. And, without any clear awareness of the mechanism, whatever he undertakes is always marked by this division. Dissatisfaction always drives him elsewhere, even if it’s to find the "here and now" that is so popular in spiritual circles.
He fails to see that it is not the courses themselves nor those who organize them who make him dissatisfied but his blind, confused quest.
He has the advantage of being aware of his distress but, for protection’s sake, he perpetuates the instinct of hiding it wherever it ought to be shown.
He asks to be true and yet tirelessly rigs himself out with masks to resemble the image he would like to have of himself.
He knocks on a door to find God and asks for affection when the door opens.
He opens a book which has to teach him how to love and closes it, lamenting that no one loves him.
It’s high time for a conscious clean-out of his chaotic quest.
Don’t you think so?